Motivation

July 09, 4am – the rain pouring so hard that it keeps me on my bed, sent a message to the team to confirm if training will push through. Well, it is.

10am – I just got home from the training, and there are two things that I always do after the training – eat like a pig and go to sleep.

11:30am – still a bedweather, not sure when the storm will leave PAR, but I love training under the rain – heat robs strength. Our coach called us at the back to the position at the front of the boat – unusual thing for someone who’s not that experienced and easily get tired. They did appreciate our performance as phasers but we all know it won’t last that long.

4pm – I don’t really have anything to do, especially when it is raining, but hot beverage is the thing – especially for a Tom Horton! No training for tomorrow, so what the hell. I try to be busy as much as possible, most of the time I think about bullshit stuff when on idle. Currently listening to 311 live album, my elder brother had this CD way back in highschool and I bring it to school, and before dismissal my friends and I listen to it on a simple CD player with small speakers that sound like an empty can that fell to the ground. It was dope, when you and your friends head banging at same time dance to the beat like stupid fucks. Down, Applied Science, Nix Hex, Hydroponic, Omaha Style, etc.. I think of them as hiphop-metal or rap-reggae – the olden days, damn I’m old!

When I was 27, I got conscious of my age – maybe it is a natural thing, you think about what you have accomplished, the things that you own, how far have you gone through your life, if you have achieved those dreams when you were younger. And you start to regret the things you’ve thought you should’ve done or started way back. Well, I won’t exempt myself here, yes – I do regret. But every time I think of it, there’s no assurance that we would be better today if we have achieved those “dreams” when you were younger. Past is surely different to the present – what’s done is done. You got to live your present so it won’t get overlooked, because looking too much to your future will just bypassed your present where you should have always live. When I landed a job, I worked so hard that I stayed in the office for 32 hours – did I have a choice? YES. But I chose to stay because I always believe that someday somehow, this hard work will “flourish” into something. Well, I get paid enough now a days and I learned a lot from that company before I left them, but to think of it – I locked myself thriving, didn’t do anything that I should’ve done at that age, local travel, physical activities, meet new people – things that won’t cost you an arm. Did I regret? Yes I did, but not anymore, because now I’ve learn to manage my time – there will always be a time for the things that you want to do, for now - live, plan or prepare for the future but not to the point that it will blind you of your present.

8:20pm – I’m thinking of getting back to photography, I like it to be honest – but sometimes when the things that you like has become a cliché or a fad, it feels uninteresting anymore, not really sure why but maybe it is my anti-social thing that’s kicking in. I enjoy rowing, because there’s not much people doing it, writing now because not everyone wants a journal, I prefer iPhone because everyone has an Android on their hand, I chose Beyerdynamics because it is not mostly seen worn, I prefer Subaru because Toyotas, Hondas, Fords are everywhere. There’s nothing wrong to try to be a bit different among others. Sometimes you’ve got to have that thing that separates you among peers, if they don’t like it then the hell with them, but if you get a bit more interesting to them then keep those people – they are the dynamic ones, they like change, they respect differences.

I go to church every Wednesday, I don’t like Sundays because there’s so much distraction – some people are serious about the mass, some are just waiting for the mass to end and go to the mall. They made it more convenient to put church on malls, is it bad? I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel right. Not when I heard it from a priest said there’s nothing wrong going to churches at malls, but hearing it from him I bet he thinks the other way. What’s wrong is wrong even if everybody’s into it, what’s right is right even if everybody’s against it. How do we know if we’re doing the right thing? Conscience & Intuition.